pesach prep. cleaning kitchen, exchanging dishes, finished shopping as far as i am concerned and cleaning fridge. i feel reasonably well today after a four hour nap yesterday evening, then some quiet tv time.

I feel down today. Am about to begin a weekend on call. Slow day in office, ditto for hospital. I made a list of things I like to do and things I judge myself to be good at. There is a folder of dormant projects that I never pursued adequately. The one that still gnaws at me is the desire to become a sage. It is probably doable in some form but like most other projects, success is ultimately measured by specific achievements, which are hard to delineate. I'll work on it some more.

st. patrick's day yesterday, but i decided to do passover shopping instead. generally expensive, not a whole lot of what i needed most but i got about $138 of stuff that i was indifferent to. went for my annual st. p beer after work today, sampling land shark for the first time. generally good and a great buy at $2.25.

still trying to get my mp3 player to work right. frustrating me no end.

Still working on the best of me. Up on time, adhering to scheduled tasks, incorporating time to study and time to advance friendships, time to look good and time to tend to my health and finances and family, time to rest. Much of this has not been going well of late. Maybe I am trying to do a greater diversity of things than I am really able to do.

After a weekend off but occupied, I find myself a little puchy starting the work week. The interview went well and I think the job a sufficient challenge and match that I will likely accept it if offered. Friday night at AKSE, then dinner. Got up early Saturday, coffee at Sweeny's, some sloth at home, then long service at AKSE. Some reading on Shabbos afternoon, straighted up my desk, put some clothing away, then back to AKSE for their Monte Carlo night fundraiser. I will be surprised if they raised a lot of money. It was not well attended. I won a door prize but I did not know in advance that there would be door prizes and I found gaming tables not all that attractive to watch. If I ever want to to that I could go to Harrahs in Chester where they have real croupiers and real money. They were generous with the $3 glass of Kosher wine so at least I slept well.

Sunday not as productive as I had hoped. I got the pesach menus set and replaced a toilet seat in the main bathroom but did little for my personal development, what I had hoped would be the focus of the day.

Job interview tomorrow, this one for the type of spot that I am most likely to be offered and which Rozzy and I think would be the best fit for closing out my tenure as a physician, harvesting my knowledge and experience in a way that benefits not only the patients but the physicians who take over where I left off.

Seeing patients will always remain the core of medicine but I'd like to resume teaching responsibilities and a certain element of creative thought, writing about my experiences or maybe get into serious blogging or youtube to transmit my considerable insight. My goals have always been ill-defined but this may be a way to create something of a personal legacy for what I've done professionally.

Saw a show in cable on biologic rhythms. I have a little better insight now as to why mine as gotten messed up. Partly age, partly not permitting daylight into the bedroom and little in the office. Still do not understand why the main meal for most people has shifted to supper when the natural rhythm would have it earlier.

Ate lunch two days in a row. Making progress as the upgraded me. I wrote two opinion pieces for the TOR-CH site, one on adaptation of worship times to congregational preferences, the other on rabbis' appointment schedules. And I've worn a tie to work each day.

Progress. I haven't done the big things, though, like starting work on time, completing a few tasks at home each evening, organizing my finances, writing for publication or enhancing friendships. Work on it as the week progresses.

All sorts of stuff that I embark upon never gets done. Yesterday I went to a sponsored talk by Abraham Varghese who I knew of as a Stanford Professor and perhaps sage, but not as a professional writer whose books have been on the NYT best seller list. I think we are kindred souls, respectful of modern medical care but wistful of the days when paying attention to the patients mattered more. I might like to close out my final years as a physician sharing his effort to express that thought in a very public way.

Thought I would do a little better this week. I'm starting to get my sleep times organized so the exhaustion has eased somewhat, though I still do not begin my tasks as early as I should. Haven't had lunch this week even though making it daily was one of the week's goals. A little more attentive to my appearance, another weekly goal. Still spotty on taking my medicines each night.

It's March. I've not gotten back to my baseline of last summer but doing better than I was in the fall. There were a few basic projects I had hoped to do this week: get up at a specified time, go to sleep at a specified time, look good after morning preparation, take my medicine each evening and eat lunch that I prepared at home. Not doing real good here. I thought the lunch part would be easy since shalach manot packages provide quick drop ins of wide variety. Only a sandwich need be added, yet even that I've not done. Maybe tomorrow or maybe I'll turn lights out on time like I should.